The Chronically Ill Label

I am writing this propped up in bed, strategically arranged in a mountain of pillows with ice packs and heating pads.  The words chronically ill hang in my mind like a dead flower in a plant hanger that hasn't been watered in a year.   Chronic.  It's such a strong word, seemingly without an end.  It describes the situation (no doubt about that), but I'd rather think of it differently.  Twelve years of battling this and that, certainly would bring the word chronic to mind.  I spent hours searching the internet last night for some sort of answer and I think it is going to take a band of people to arrive at a definite conclusion for all of this.  You see, I have had back problems accompanied by sciatica since I was young.  I saw every doctor, had every scan in the book, various procedures, but I was stuck with it and they were perplexed.  Now, I have developed a rare conditioned called pudendal neuralgia, which many do not understand and there doesn’t seem to be a direct solution.  I think the two are related, but I’m not a medical doctor.

The pain is constant.  Burning, stabbing, aching pain that forces you to lie down regardless of what your plans were for the day.  It happens so often that you might even call it chronic.  There’s that word again:  Chronic.  It’s a touchy subject and I hate to be labeled the sick one, the chronically ill girl, the one who cancels plans, misses out on fun stuff, and even though achieved a 4.0 GPA in school had letters sent home that I would fail because I was hardly ever there.   I might add that I graduated with honors and obtained my Bachelor Degree, so take that snooty attendance police.

I’m changing the label, if not for my own sanity.   From now on, I shall be fashionably ill.  If you’re always running late, people don’t deem you “chronically late,” but rather you are fashionably late.  Why is that fashionable?  Is it because you took too long to get all dolled up or is it because the first one who comes to the party isn’t trendy?  I don’t know, but it sure sounds better than chronically.  Yes, I am fashionably ill, despite the fact that it isn’t very fashionable at all and I certainly can no longer dress in the fashion I was accustomed to.   Alas, I can only hope it will help.

If you’ve found me during your own search, I invite you to keep stopping by.  I’m not sure how often I will post, but I want to help.  I want to share my story.  I’ve been through enough that they’re practically throwing everything but the kitchen sink at me.  Maybe I can help you or at least let you know that you’re not alone.  I’ve found a few other bloggers who have helped to ease my mind in this unwanted journey.  I’m not sure where this will lead, but if it can help someone else, perhaps it’s worth it.